


This Is How We Do It

by gelandspray



Series: Lay It All Down [11]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 14:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1861854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelandspray/pseuds/gelandspray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine has a plan...for a plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is How We Do It

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Fill: Cuddling  
> For [Klaine Bingo](http://www.klainebingo.tumblr.com)

With a blowjob under his belt – not literally obviously, pun somewhat intended, he has a sense of humor after all – Kurt feels a little more confident.

He searched his trans friendly websites and found a trans friendly gynecologist, with whom he managed to get an appointment with surprisingly quickly. He went to the doctor’s, and he ended up getting the injection and it happened to be within seven days of the start of his period, so he’s protected immediately. It was all relatively easy.

He’s not sure if all that makes him feel better or worse.

He’s protected from pregnancy, but that’s not all he needs to be protected from. And he doesn’t mean STDs. That ship has sailed.

He wants to be protected from this _anticipation_ and _worry_ that bind together so tightly, the feeling of wanting but being so afraid of what might happen when he’s about to get it. It’s not that he doesn’t want to have sex. He does. He wants everything with Blaine. It’s that he and Blaine haven’t had much of a conversation since The Conversation. They haven’t talked about anything past what Kurt said that day. Kurt knows that Blaine knows hypothetically what sex between them might involve. He knows that Blaine knows what Kurt is dealing with…downstairs, but he doesn’t know if Blaine knows how he actually feels about it. Kurt told Santana that her saying she wouldn’t leave her hypothetical girlfriend was nice but probably untrue. It goes the same for Blaine in this case, maybe even more so. He’s tried not to directly ask Blaine how he feels about Kurt’s vagina for a similar reason. If he says he isn’t attracted to Kurt’s parts, Kurt will be upset; if he says Kurt’s parts don’t bother him, Kurt will be doubtful. If he says he’s attracted to Kurt’s parts, he might laugh in disbelief.

They’ve talked about how quickly – rather how _slowly_ – they’re moving and Kurt took some initiative, but they still haven’t really _talked_ and Kurt is dreading it.

That doesn’t stop him from making out with Blaine mere minutes from when he comes by the loft.

When Blaine comes over after his last class, Rachel and Santana are milling around and they both give Blaine side-eye looks, though with different tones – Rachel’s is satisfied as if Blaine’s presence is a job well done on her part and Santana’s is mocking, for obvious reasons. Kurt is sitting on the couch when Blaine comes in, so Blaine sort of throws himself down next to him, jostling Kurt in the process.

“Ladies,” Blaine begins as he slings his arm around Kurt’s shoulder, “How do you do?”

“’ _How do you do?’_ Shit, you’re even weirder than I remember,” Santana snickers. “No wonder Kurt can’t wiggle into your whitey tighties.”

To his credit, Blaine only tightens his arm around Kurt and nuzzles into Kurt’s neck. Across the loft, Santana can’t see Blaine lick Kurt’s neck and then blow across the wet spot. Kurt shivers.

_Fuck. How can his neck be so sensitive? What in human biology can possibly make a **neck** of all things so reactive? Almost as far away from genitalia as you can get._

In pursuit of the great philosophical answer to this question, Kurt takes Blaine’s hand and stands up, pulling Blaine towards his room. He ignores Santana’s usual comment of “Wanky” as he pulls his curtain back and then swiftly closed again behind Blaine. He then just as quickly pulls Blaine back to his bed to sit down together on the edge.

“How did you know?” he whispers, tucking a foot underneath him to turn more towards Blaine.

“Know what?”

“About my neck?” Kurt clarifies. “I didn’t realize a neck kiss could be like that.”

“I didn’t really. I just like your neck,” he confesses, placing both hands on the part in question and stroking his thumbs against Kurt’s sensitive skin.

“How much do you know about sex?” Kurt asks honestly, curiously, cautiously and, if he weren’t so nervous, he might laugh at how quickly Blaine’s expression shifted.

“Uh, well my ex and I had sex a few times before we broke up,” Blaine admits. “Mostly when we were drunk. That was the only time I felt comfortable having sex with him.”

Kurt looks at Blaine’s honest, downcast eyes and feels a clench in his chest. “Do you mind if I ask why?”

“Not at all. I wanted to feel comfortable but didn’t. I don’t know why. He was attractive and suave. I was the leader of the Warblers and I liked being flattered, but something in me didn’t feel right. He didn’t coerce me or anything. It simply felt like a handshake, a courtesy, but the most intimate and vulnerable handshake I could ever imagine, which is why, Kurt, if you don’t want to, I don’t want you to.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Kurt insists quietly.

“That’s how it seems, Kurt. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“I’m not embarrassed. Well, I am, but not about that. It really isn’t that I don’t want to. It’s that I don’t want to do something to mess up what we have.”

“That sounds like a fancy way to say you don’t want to.”

Kurt rolls his eyes and insists, “It’s really not.”

“Tell you what. Let’s explore each other in _controlled_ ways,” Blaine offers.

“Like what?”

“Like we decide what we want to do and we stick to it,” he explains. “We don’t get carried away and stray from the plan, so neither of us ends up uncomfortable or regretting.”

Kurt thinks of the other night when he went totally off script, when he went from the promise of kisses to a blowjob. “Do you regret what I did the other night?” he asks nervously.

“Absolutely not, no,” Blaine insists quickly, shifting closer and clasping one of Kurt’s hands.

But, while Kurt feels relief, he still doesn’t totally get it. “Okay,” he dubiously draws out.

“Baby, I don’t want you to think of this as punishment.”

“It just doesn’t sound very sexy. Sounds like business.”

“Just you wait,” Blaine flirtatiously promises. “For example, how about tonight we get really, _really_ close, take off as much clothes as we feel comfortable, lay down on your bed, and make out like there’s no tomorrow?”

“Can I—can I touch you again?”

“Now, baby, how am I supposed to turn that down?” Blaine replies, with a sweet smile.

Kurt matches Blaine’s smile with a shy one of his own. He surges forward to capture Blaine’s lips in his. The memory of their library make-out bright as day. He can feel both of them drawing out the first kiss like a deep inhale of breath before diving underwater. They hold it until they absolutely need to breath out again. The air whistles almost silently past his lips before he tightly sucks in another breath. He scoots himself forward until their knees aren’t just touching but Kurt’s leg is draped over Blaine’s.

“Does really, _really_ close mean in your lap?” Kurt questions.

“It can,” Blaine gasps. 

“It’s a plan then,” Kurt says, nodding definitively as he places his hands on Blaine’s shoulders and slides so that he’s kneeling straddling his boyfriend’s hips. He hasn’t sat down yet. He just hovers right above his lap, looking in Blaine’s eyes curiously. What he sees back are questions, so many questions. Kurt can answer one easily. He moves one of his hands to pick up Blaine’s where it’s laying limp on the bed and he leads it, skimming it up his own side until he reaches his hip. The second question Kurt can answer too; he nods and Blaine mirrors the movement with his other hand.

Now, Kurt decides, is the time to lower himself.

He places one hand on the side of Blaine’s face to watch as he sits fully on Blaine’s lap. Blaine pulls his legs to loosely bracket him and Kurt feels the laugh bubble up in him. He laughs and before Blaine can figure out what’s so funny, Kurt kisses him again. He pulls Blaine’s lower lip into his mouth, listening to Blaine’s gasp; he lightly sucks on it and then lets it slip free. He watches it snap back into place. He does the same to Blaine’s top lip, just as satisfied to watch it return to place. Kurt drags his thumb across the bottom lip and sees that where there were questions in Blaine’s eyes, there is now only interest.

Kurt feels like his heart jumps in his chest when Blaine suddenly grips the back of Kurt’s shirt with both hands and nuzzles Kurt’s head aside to reach his neck. Blaine starts of soft, repeating what he did in the main room earlier; he moves on to actual kisses, then lightly catching a bit of skin between those lips and sucking.

Kurt can feel himself getting wet and he’s a little embarrassed, but not too much. It can be his secret for now; Blaine doesn’t have to know. He doesn’t have to know that Kurt can apparently get wet just from some attention to his neck.

Though if he’s being honest with himself – and he might as well be – it’s not just his neck. Oh, that’s definitely part of it, not a small part either, but the other part is how he can feel the bulge of Blaine’s cock pressed against his crotch and it takes everything in him not to grind down against it – maybe another time. For now, he simply has the pressure against where he really wants it and that in itself is exciting.

Kurt decides he really needs his shirt off right about now. It won’t relieve much, but he’s too constricted and too hot. Plus, it was part of the plan, so he starts unbuttoning with nimble fingers, starting at the bottom and working his way up.

“Mine too, please,” Blaine nearly begs. 

Kurt follows the request and starts on Blaine’s buttons from the base of his throat downward, deciding to take advantage when his hands conveniently end up by Blaine’s crotch. He quickly unclicks his belt buckle, slips the button out of its place, and carefully unzips. He glides his hand into the waistband of Blaine’s underwear and pulls Blaine’s cock free.

The sight of Blaine’s cock jutting from the zipper of his tight pants may be one of the most erotic things he’s ever seen – right after how Blaine looks after he’s come.

“You’re going to have to be quiet with the girls around,” Kurt insists. “Can you do that? Are you okay?”

Blaine nods against Kurt’s neck.

His touch is less hesitant this time but just as soft, just as curious. Kurt can’t explain why it’s so beautiful to him to just hold it in his hand, to feel it in his palm. He just knows that it’s not just some sort of jealousy. Blaine fascinates him: Blaine’s trust, Blaine’s body, Blaine’s person. This is arguably the most secret part of Blaine that’s tangible and Kurt can feel the emotion wrapped up in that, his emotion and Blaine’s. So, he’s careful, attentive. He wants to pay close attention and learn everything he can. He wants to treat every part of Blaine like the wonder he is. Maybe someday they will get to the rough sex stage and Kurt likes the idea of that too, but right now, he feels the need to show Blaine that it’s not all blind passion and hormones run wild, that Kurt’s decision to move forward isn’t senseless desperation. It’s really what he wants. He knows he has to show Blaine that he’s not giving into the courtesy handshake.

So, as Blaine continues to amazingly skillfully work at his neck and, _shit_ , is he good at it, Kurt mixes light and sure touches on Blaine’s cock, taking time to watch and listen to Blaine’s reactions and adjust, attempting to be at least reciprocal, until Kurt reaches into the pocket of the shirt hanging loosely around his chest and pulls out a handkerchief, one of the less fancy ones he has thankfully, and covers his hand around Blaine’s dick. Blaine groans as he gets closer and _closer_ , backing away slightly from Kurt’s neck, which makes him want to groan for an entirely _different_ reason. But he needs to quiet Blaine somehow, so Blaine backing up isn’t all bad.

Kurt catches Blaine’s lips with his and feels the vibration of a captured moan against his lips. He returns his own vibrations in kind as he shushes Blaine and works his hand a little harder and a little faster until he feels the telltale wet warmth against his palm and Blaine slumps a little against Kurt, who yelps out a laugh at the feeling that he may soon tip over if Blaine end up putting all his weight on him. He loops one arm firmly around Blaine’s shoulders to steady them both and awkwardly keeps his other hand where it is. He’s not totally sure what the protocol is for this moment.

“You used a handkerchief,” Blaine groans, moving Kurt’s hand away to do the rest of the clean up.

“Yes, yes I did.”

“We’re an interesting pair,” Blaine comments.

“Yes,” Kurt laughs, “yes we are.”

As uncomfortable as it is to squash down his arousal, Kurt is really glad that Blaine didn’t offer to return the favor. It makes him a big fan of The Plan Method. It wasn’t in the plan for Kurt to be touched in any way other than what they’d done before and so he hadn’t been and Kurt thinks that this plan rule was an excellent idea.

They reluctantly move apart to take off some clothing – Kurt down to his undershirt, binder, and boxers, Blaine, seeming to take cues from Kurt, in his boxer briefs and tank. Once the clothes hit the floor, they fall back on the bed. Blaine lies on his back and Kurt curls up next to him, resting his head on Blaine’s shoulder and wrapping his arm around Blaine’s waist.

“What’s the next plan?” Kurt inquires.

“I don’t know, baby, that’s up to you.”

“So much potential,” Kurt hums, considering. “You know I’ve never touched myself before.”

“Really?” Blaine asks, shocked, twisting his neck oddly to try to look at Kurt better.

Kurt doesn’t move to look back. He keeps his attention on stroking Blaine’s side.

“Yeah, I’ve always had an uncomfortable Catch-22. I’ve not really wanted to try touching myself until I had something to touch like I wanted to have. Testosterone makes the clit grow – some call it a ‘T-cock.’ I don’t want to touch myself without at least what testosterone could give me, but I don’t want to take testosterone,” Kurt explains.

“Okay,” Blaine accepts easily.

They settle so deeply in silence again that, when Blaine speaks, they both startle a little. Kurt’s hand tightly clutching Blaine’s shirt before forcing it to lay flat again, while Blaine’s grip doesn’t seem likely to loosen until the words have all been said.

“Do you think there would be a difference for you between touching yourself and being touched there?” Blaine whispers, carefully.

Kurt tries to hide the confusion and shock as he asks, “What do you mean?” and Kurt either does a great job or Blaine’s determined to explain himself. Either option Kurt can accept and even be proud of. He wants Blaine to express his opinions, as long as he doesn’t mind getting checked when he does, as long as he doesn’t get defensive.

“I mean, I guess the way I understand it is that you don’t want to feel what you think you lack, so touching yourself where there is no penis mostly reminds you of that feeling. But, if someone else were to touch you, maybe that wouldn’t be your first thought, because there is a difference between putting your hand somewhere and not feeling something there and having someone else touch you there – if that makes any sense at all.”

Blaine looks at Kurt with what Kurt can only describe as sincerity and, really, Blaine doesn’t sound totally crazy. Kurt’s never thought of it before, but he actually makes a lot of sense. It’s an idea Kurt could get used to if he tried hard enough to get it to stick in his head.

“Kind of. I just—I don’t know. That’s something to think about,” he promises.

“You don’t have to know yet. I told you, the next plan is yours to make.”

“Maybe I’ll surprise you when the day comes?” he offers. “Maybe let you know the day of which I decide?”

Blaine simply nods and reaches over to delicately rearrange some of Kurt’s hair that’s fallen out of place. “Sure, baby.”

“You know, you have to think about it too,” Kurt reminds him.

At that, Blaine drops his hand, scrunches his eyebrows, tips his head justa _little_ bit, and asks, “What do you mean?”

“What you are and aren’t interested in. Even if I make the plan, obviously you can veto it; you can veto it halfway through, or whenever really. You just might want to do your own pre-plan reflecting.”

“I’m interested in everything,” Blaine states definitively.

“Come on, Blaine,” Kurt wryly laughs.

“Do you know what I did in those days between you coming out and me coming back?” Blaine asks, shifting Kurt gently so Kurt lays on his back, Blaine on his side, with Blaine propped up on his elbow to look Kurt in the eye unwaveringly.

“Freaking out?” 

“Well, yes,” Blaine admits, “and _doing my research_ , which is how I actually knew the effects of testosterone on clit growth and how I know that other effects include increased body hair, increased facial hair, increased sex drive, and change in voice. I also know what a double incision mastectomy is and keyhole chest reconstruction too. It’s how I know what phalloplasty and vaginectomy are – before, during, and after. It’s how I know, after seeing all the bloody pictures on Google of surgery and a little argument with Sam, that I’m interested in everything. I spent those days learning and memorizing and figuring out who I am and I came back and told you. I’m a guy who wants to be your boyfriend for everything that involves. I already did my thinking, Kurt.”

Kurt isn’t sure what point during Blaine’s speech he started crying, but he knows by the end not only his cheeks are dripping with tears, but the pillowcase beneath his head has its own little puddle. He doesn’t even try to say anything. He knows there isn’t anything to say that expresses what he’s thinking and feeling in this moment, so he just grabs the front of Blaine’s tank in one hand and yanks him down, not to kiss, but to lie on top of Kurt, so Kurt can feel the weight of Blaine on top of him, pleasantly crushing him, surrounding him, making it impossible to feel anything but _squished_. He breathes in and out and feels the tightness that comes from his own hitching breaths and the tightness that comes from the weight of Blaine.

He can feel the puffs of Blaine’s breath on his neck as he nervously says, “Kurt?” 

“I’m fine. I’m _perfectly_ fine.”


End file.
